The Final Straw

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The invention and recent release of the sex robot has caused a furore on social media. Netizens and meme creators are at it. The buzz will die out very soon. Most likely with the end of this Njaanuary BS you Kenyans propagate yearly.

We have finally done it! Who do women think they are flossing around with dildos? We have the perfect set complete with the face, bum and titties. All rubber for the skin of a woman is supposed to be smooth.

What more can manhood ask for?

Forget Barbie and the doll house. Introducing Samantha, the sex doll to wipe away man’s (used to mean the male species and not humanity) troubles. She is powered to moan and yes, there is that hole every man deceives to dip his stick into.

No more. Samantha, unlike the women of this generation, can be bought and possessed. What did you expect? All women like money! She will be there after a long day at work to make you “feel manly” with endless sex.

You know the same one you last two minutes with the average woman but expect to last 10 hours with a robot? You my friend and not Samantha will be out of your breathe before you even begin.

It is you who will crave a breakfast in bed the morning after but hey, Sam isn’t programmed to do that. No, she won’t clean your dishes or fold your clothes.

The biggest problem is, more than half the men debating on ‘Sam pros’ can’t afford her. Will you look at that?

Those who can, have better uses for cash. Rather than spend a fortune to release semen, they marry a good woman and start a family.

The woman (wife) brings brilliant, worthy ideas to the table and within no time, the home is sinking in money because of wise investments. Samantha can’t and won’t do that but you must have figured that out.

You who decided on Samantha is wallowing in abject poverty. It reached a point (like all other women), broke down. There was nothing you could do, the local fundi drained you of all your money and eventually calls you to ‘pick’ her up.

Hii haiwezi kutengezeka.” (This cannot be repaired)

You go to the electronics shop when darkness has engulfed. As much as it has been proved prestigious to own luxury such as Sammy, we are living in Africa. Your neighbours will torch you if they discovered you have a Sam rather than join you for a threesome.

She isn’t a sight to behold anymore. All hope is gone in your world. No one seems interested in Sam on OLX and you are beyond schemes and means of getting however little of your ‘capital’.

You lost a “wife material” for a few weeks of ‘continuous’ flagrante delicto which in the long run you got nothing out of but a few drops of semen.

Beats me how anyone would choose rubber when they can go skin-to-skin with the powers of Durex (shrugs).

Don’t you like the rhythm of the bodies? The twists ,the turns and the holding? I bet with Samantha you will have to give up your favourite sex styles. Like 69.

Nothing can ever replace a good woman. Not Samantha, not whoever will come next. Come on, you thought that was all? Be prepared for more unveilings. It will be something like the iPhone series. Save up.

Once people ‘invent’, they don’t stop. On and on they go. Promising new, more and improved features each time they upgrade their initial product. That is what we do. We strive to be better.

With this new invention, I pray rape cases come to an end. It is my hope that, men won’t be double-dealing with women, leaving us with a staircase of children and becoming deadbeat fathers.

If it is Samantha, please stay there. Don’t play games with a woman who is with you for long term but you are taking a break from Samantha. We don’t want the voltage acquired from her electricity powered vajayjay.

It is your time men, have as much fun while it lasts. Haven’t you embraced it (is it her?) with so much enthusiasm despite the affordability challenge?

What we are all failing to question is, are men feeling empowered with the coning of Samantha because they have failed, completely, in giving their women orgasms?

Are these the same men who want to leave behind their ‘legacy’? What is happening to our men?

Before you start thinking I am one of those women who are ‘threatened’ by this Samantha robot, I will stop. I am letting men be men. They are extremely braggadocious about being adventurous.

I can’t wait for the next release (pun very much intended), perhaps it will be a Sandra. No spoiler alerts, let’s all sit tight and watch the space of sex robots. There is a rising number of people claiming to be Digisexuals.

In the business world, demand meets supply.



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About Rehema Zuberi

Teller of 'taboo-d' tales.

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