The Bitter Pill

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There are over 20 types of contraception as we speak. These fall under various categories such as hormonal methods where we have pills and barrier methods, use of condoms or cervical cap (FemCap).

The most common types used are the condoms mainly by men and the pill by women. Condoms are popular as they are easy to use, affordable and the best for protection against Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs).

Although there are female condoms, most women have no idea how to employ them. Besides they are more expensive than the male condoms. However, they are more effective than the male type.

Back to the various types of contraception available. These include implants, intrauterine devices(IUDs), Vaginal or Nuva ring, patches, sponges, diaphragm etc as the more recent advancements which are gaining masses.

The traditional way of natural family planning has been with us for generations. This is keeping off sex when the woman is fertile. It contains examining basal body temperature, cervical mucus and the rhythm/calendar methods.

This has proven less effective as majority of the women lack a perfectly consistent menstrual cycle. For surety, it requires incorporation of another form of contraception for instance condoms or the pull out.

Only three out of the numerous sorts are to be used by the men! This should at least mean that men would embrace these few methods and utilise them fully but that has never been the case.

They burst condoms due to negligence and have no care whatsoever of what that will lead to in their moment of pleasure. When the woman starts posing a big tummy they completely go underground.

Others come beating their chests of how their coitus interruptus has proved successful in the past, only to leave traces of their semen on the vulva. Nine months later a child with their DNA is deposited to them.

Being one of the oldest method for men, one would expect that the pull out or withdrawal would work. Unfortunately, it does not. And with the rising cases of STIs, it is safer to jimmy up before shaking the sack.

Vasectomy is a taboo word. Although it is way expensive than the rest of the options available to men, it is the last excuse men give for shunning it. Me undergo sterilization? For what and whom?

We are here to procreate and fill the earth. The seed must spread everywhere it can penetrate. There is no such thing as enough children. Haya mambo ya wazungu kuwa na watoto wachache tuyaache.

Pointing accusing fingers at the white man for everything. Yes, he can be at fault but weren’t you happy when the sex robot alias Samantha was introduced? Or was the white man’s invention devoid of skin then?

With the possibility of rolling out of the male contraceptive pill, Dimenthandrolone Undecanoate (DMAU) in the market after years of research, women have nothing to smile about. Kenyan women more ruefully or is it African in general?

For years, the sole responsibility of birth control has been placed on the womenfolk as we are the fertile land that bears fruits. Women have suffered the effects for lack of an alternative.

Times have changed. Your pill is here and it has been proven to have less side effects (if any at all) than the emergency pills women have been swallowing when you decide not to rubber up.

Now that tables have turned you people are crying foul. You complain of it not being in the Holy Books. Please anyone point a verse that says women should be drowning in pills while men sit to watch.

Some of you say you fear losing your libido. That claim was also refuted. The rest say they it is not their portion to become hormonal like women. There is no problem dear men. No problem AT all.

Justin Timberlake once sang, What Goes Around Comes Back Around.

The same way you dissolved morning after pills in our drinks in the morning after a night of raw sexercise is the same way it will go down for you. Fate never lurks too far away.

Please complain all you want but forget not that women are smarter and craftier. You will eat those pills with your lunch or supper. Mtajua hamjui. 

What you don’t know, cannot and will never hurt you.

If I were you I would strive to embrace the Male Contracentive Pill. Furthermore, aren’t you the same ones whinging about women planting pregnancies on you(when it is really you doing the planting) to trap you into commitment?

Take a moment to think what DMAU will do for you. Then consider it. Don’t be in a hurry to dismiss it yet you haven’t experienced it. Relieve yourself and women of the burden, kindly.

Mkuki kwa nguruwe, kwa binadamu mchungu.



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About Rehema Zuberi

Teller of 'taboo-d' tales.

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