Keep It Clean

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From the moment we are released from the confined environment of the womb, we are subjected to hygiene measures. We are washed/wiped to rid us of the slimy liquid that was part of our protection cave. That is among our very first contacts with cleanliness.


At around 5 years after birth, we are taught to clean after ourselves. As time goes by so does the supervision. Soon, you are left to do it all. And from this time, mega problems set in. Some of us decide we have had enough of rubbing and scrubbing. We let it go.


The rest of the population that decides to ‘conform’ then become victims of all kinds of body odour. Unpleasant odour for that matter. The phrase cleanliness is next to Godliness is failing immensely.


There are key sweaty areas in our bodies, the most obvious armpits. After puberty hairs grow in there making it a greater challenge. The smell becomes stronger and you are likely to spot your shirts with the stubborn stains.


Start with the shave. Chop it down at least once a week or twice a month. Use deodorant. Find the one your skin is tolerant to to avoid those itchy bumps on your skin. Don’t forget to dry your armpits well after a shower.


The private parts. If your whole body is private, more reason for you to clean up. Make sweat your greatest enemy. Wash those parts. And dry them well. The secret to all these body parts is to dry them dry after contact with water. This way, you leave zero opportunities for dampness to breed.


As common sense isn’t so common, whenever you visit the lavatory, be sure to clean from the front to the back. The germs in the back area do not need to be transferred to the front. Doing this will cause infections. Complicated ones.


Use enough of water, tissue paper or wipes (what makes you sleep at night). You don’t want to walk around with an air of your unfinished (or finished in this case) business. Or worse, an itch from the remains.


Consider airing your underwear out in the sun. It is the best antibiotic. It’s free of charge!


The mouth. Goodness Gracious! Watch your mouth! There are people you meet and the first instinct is not to run but stuff a piece of cloth down their throat to save the rest of humanity. It is the only way to restrain that awful breath.


Do you own a toothbrush? Is it the time in your busy schedule that you lack to spend 2 minutes cleaning out food residues that you ate? That yellowish tint impresses you? I’m sorry to burst your bubble but it is NOT gold.


I understand if you cannot manage to brush after every meal and little snack you gobble down but all day? Spare a minute. You should not forget your tongue in this exercise. It could be the reason your breath omits a smell like a dumpster.


We live in a generation where men and women alike, align in spas to get their manicures and pedicures. Unlike those who would hold campaigns and rallies to remove men from this basic hygiene procedure they call “umama“, I applaud the men who take their time (and money) to make themselves presentable.


The smelly feet attacks men mostly. You are out all day wearing closed shoes. With socks. The next day, you pair up the same foot wear. Same socks, same shoes. What do you expect? It’s the same as keeping trash in your house and in return, expecting to breath fresh air.


The same way you need to breath, so do your shoes and feet. Own at least two pairs. I understand men’s wear is pretty costly, all the same you are better off with several pairs. Nobody wants to live with fungi.


Clean your shoes once a week. Whenever you are not going on official business, cut off the socks. Don sandals and stretch your feet. Get a foot rub. The next time you are visiting your pals, “kutoa viatu” will be the least of your worries.


Am I the only one who wonders how their ears get dirty? I don’t spend my day listening to dirty things… Just how? If you are surprised please clean those listening devices in your next appointment in the bathroom.


I have a particularly sneaky behaviour and dirty ears are highly unattractive. Ever wanted to whisper something to someone but the ears back you off? I have.


Ladies, some of us are well endowed with breasts. Apologies to the men with man boobs. In our day to day activities, the area between our chest and the diaphragm gets sweaty.


Nothing to be ashamed of. Lift those boobs and wash. If you happen to have additional body weight, go to the bathroom at your workplace or school and wipe. Do what you got to do.


Treat your body right. What you take in is what will come out. Our body wastes, sweat is one of them, merely consist of our diets’ intake. Garbage in, garbage out. Raw material = end product.


In a nutshell, take a bath or two each day. Use good soap. Dry each part of your body with TLC. Apply that deodorant. Shave fortnightly (highly depends with your hair growth rate). Wear clean clothes daily, especially your undies.


Keep your nails short. If you must grow them into talons, ensure you remove the dirt every other minute. Dirt harbours in them. Do I need to touch on the hair? Look good, damn it.


Perfume yourself if that’s your style, be conscious of your brand anyway. You don’t want to be walking side by side with your nauseating fragrance annoying those of us who wear ours minimally. It’s not a competition of who can afford a particular brand. Those “shouting” types are the cheapest.


Eat healthy. Healthy doesn’t necessarily mean expensive. Drink more water. This is the best deal you could make for yourself. The glow in your skin will glorify you.


Make people comfortable around you this and many years to come! Thank you.



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About Rehema Zuberi

Teller of 'taboo-d' tales.

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