It is a preconceived opinion that SDA guys are very elegant. This is especially because they are seen in suits on Sabbaths. However, the dressing code has little to do with romance. When talking about love and mutual relationships, ladies can confirm that they dream of a man who can make them feel like queens and princesses. With the influence of Mexican soap operas and Hollywood movies, most ladies have high expectations of their men.
The defining characteristics of a ‘real man’ in the 21st century are romance and ability to spend cash with the woman he loves. In as much as SDA guys are concerned, they are known for being economic and hardly take their loved ones to outings. Even though this can be disputed, the major question which then should be answered is whether the guy in question is a genuine SDA believer or not.
SDA guys can be disappointing. A third-year university lady was sharing with me how she was expecting his boyfriend to propose to her, something that never happened. They had been very close friends from the time they joined the first year. Three years down the line the guy ‘pretends’ to be intimate with the lady but plainly he had not proposed. This has affected many ladies who think they have a man they can lean on, only to find they were in an illusion. SDA guys can have more than two close girlfriends and they will make them believe they love them. However, when things turn out to be different it becomes so disappointing.
On April 2017 I read on a Sunday nation in which a 28year old lady was seeking counsel on her engagement. The lady was designated, Jane. She was complaining that her man had not introduced her to his friends leave alone his family members despite two years of dating. The issue caught my attention and on further research, I came to find out that the man was an SDA. This matter sunk into my heart so deeply that I began studying love relationships. The main objective of these studies was to establish a pattern and attempt to provide a solution in this era that seems to care so little.
There are several factors that can make individuals have a secret love. In this premise, it will be fair to note that most ladies don’t hide their love affairs. Men are victims of secret love relationships. Even though many will be quick to judge that it is because most men will prefer to have multiple love partners, I will not buy the idea at least for today. SDA guys will give you numerous reasons as to why love affair should remain secretive.
I interviewed 50 SDA guys whether they will like to make their engagement public or not. 31 of them said they will not make it public until they are decided to get married, 12 agreed they will like it to be public, and 7 of them were undecided. Among the reasons, the guys didn’t want their affairs to be made public is a misinterpretation. It was then I realized that most SDA guys are afraid of their love affair being misinterpreted. Interestingly, the SDA Churches teach their youths that marriage is a holy institution. Sex is holy and it should be practiced only in a holy matrimony. It further teaches that love must not be stolen. This implies that once a guy loves a lady he should inform the parents of the lady to permit the affair. Such requirements influence the decisions of the SDA guys much. It often makes them slow to propose to ladies.
The SDA Church teachings of morality, purity, uprightness, and righteousness make its youths to appear exclusive from the rest of the guys of their age. As a result, SDA guys hardly express love in public. Not that it is evil but its interpretation. Who cares? Most ladies agree that they not only want to be loved in private but also in public. The fact that most SDA guys are influenced by external forces and not what they believe makes them fake. Everybody likes real people. Individuals who think independently and express themselves freely. This attribute is so scarce amidst SDA guys, especially in love affairs.
I’m a man, most likely I am inclined to men’s perspective naturally. Ladies prefer to have a gentleman who is proud of them. A man who can stand up in public and express love to her without any fear. Talking of SDA guys, I have never seen one damn guy kissing her girlfriend in public. Does it mean that these guys never kiss their fiancés? Absolutely not. What then might be the problem? The most probable guess is fear. SDA guys are afraid of kissing their ‘girls’ in public. This makes their ladies feel less loved. In a world full of comparisons, it is obvious that when ladies compare and contrast SDA guys with other guys who are otherwise not SDA’s they think of them as being not romantic.
Moreover, SDA guys enjoy a good friendship with many ladies. This aspect makes them keep their affairs secretive due to the fear of losing friendships. I have interacted with a couple of SDA guys. They are proud of a large number of friendships they have. Nonetheless, most of them are afraid that if they make their love relationship public, they are most likely to lose their female friends due to jealousy. Whether this claim can be justified or not is a topic for another day.
Does it mean that SDA guys are less manly? It will be fallacious to suggest that they are not admired. In fact, in a research carried by one of the leading British research firms found out that SDA guys are the most admired men in the English nation. They are responsible men. In most cases, they are seen assisting their wives in performing house chores. Seven out of ten ladies interviewed in Kenya dream of being married to an SDA guy. This confirms that they are the most admired yet so underrated. Ladies who are in love with SDA guys report that they experience minimum quells in their relationships. This is contrary to what ladies with other guys go through.
Interviewing SDA guys why they think they are underrated, a 24 years old man from the University of Nairobi says, ‘It is because we are choosy and principled.’ His response sparked my senses and confirmed what most ladies whom I have interacted with say. From my personal experience, most SDA guys want to associate themselves with ‘wife material’ ladies. Interacting with them, they are quick to describe the characteristics of a wife material. However, with the scope of this article, it may not be appropriate to be included here.
Finally, guys need to walk the talk. Ladies want a man who walks decisively. A man that can be trusted. One who can take responsibility and stand up like a gentleman at all times. SDA guys must pull up their socks and stand out to be seen and appreciated. Love must be expressed to be felt. Who cares if they are underrated or not?
Story by Charles Moseti
This story was sent to me by Jeniffer Alison, our new Mzangila Group CEO, who informed me that there were two submissions on this topic. She termed this as the better.
Charles might be our new guy on SDA manenos. Just learn to leave a brief comment on every story. It motivates us, and who knows- you might win a lunch ticket for Mzangila Writer of the Month. Keep it locked.