The Facebook man

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Before other social media such as WhatsApp and twitter plunged into fame facebook used to be the sole giant centre of all people. It was and still is the platform that you cannot just afford to ignore in just one day or even in a decade to come. With its array of features and capacitive ability to house billions of users and content, it still remains as one of the most successful innovations in history.

However, there has always been the negative part of this media. It is like a stalky neighbor who is out there on your wall (never enters your house ever) to just observe your moves. Given that ‘what is in your mind’ slogan facebook utilizes gives people the freedom to write whatever that ails them, people have learnt to lose control over their private lives.

This means that I can know almost your entire life without even having to set my eyes on your face. And the majority of these victims appear to be ladies who use facebook as a shoulder to cry on, and get shoulders to lean on from friends they only know by facebook names.

In this same platform there exist people with ill intentions. Being a man, and having done some of these things, I feel honored to share some of the stuff with you. There is one type of man who I can basically refer to as THE FACEBOOK MAN. He is the man who has perfected the art of seducing ladies on facebook. The main aim of his existence on this extensive platform is to meet pretty ladies and in turn make a ‘sex fortune’ from them.

The facebook man rarely updates anything negative on his timeline. He does calculated updates. Many of which he is in a sharp borrowed suit, in a range rover after being given a free ride, or in a friend’s executive office. If he happens to go out to a posh destination he gets out of there with a couple of snaps for his facebook timeline update.

He is handsome. That is the killer gimmick that can even seduce a woman at the slightest click of ‘hi’. Good looking man coupled with his photos that seem to have taken in Disney world can send some lady wild. She will think of money, love and a good future. What else does a lady wish for in this life if it is not a good life, where she can travel, have fun and have a man who knows the definition of a real man?

More astonishingly this man has ulterior moves. He knows how to wage his war. He assembles all the prerequisites in a manner that magnetizes the prey effortlessly. He has mastered the power of diction. He has a thick plethora of vocabularies that leave you thinking ‘who is this man?’ in a way he captures your mind, exploits you and dilly dallies you like a toy that you cannot do without. He makes sure he gets into your mind and builds a mega palace there, and lives in till he decides to pack his stuff and leave. When he goes you are left yearning for him.

Traits commonly associated with this man include: he is superhuman (handsome, looks like he will never hurt an insect), bedroom bully, smart as always, ‘honest’, very gentle, intelligent, humorous and looks like he has been to mars and back (he talks about stuff you haven’t heard of before, how do you even know he hasn’t been to mars and back? That is the evidence). From the general angle he seems perfect, seamless and a man of your dreams.

Just like any investment, the facebook man invests a lot in his venture. No businessman wants to fail in his greatly worked for niche. Wearing expensive clothes (from some lady’s pocket), driving at times (another lady’s pocket had to cough too), lives in a well-furnished apartment (he sometimes works for this money), and seems to smile a lot (that baby face eats so well, enjoys facials, having good money included). It is a man and half. He is an Alexander the Great of the present times.

This man knows how to fish and catch. One factor that drives him is that he hardly has anything to lose. Once he sets for that lady he does not get out frustrated. He is one man who hardly fails. It is unmistakable to lose.

Every day he logs in to facebook to discover big lady fishes on facebook. All pretty faces with money are his target. He hunts steadily and so aggressively. With the increasing number of single but stable number of ladies in Kenya, what more joy does he need? That fact alone assures him that business is flourishing by day.

Equally, there are desperate women on facebook who are vulnerable to such men. These ladies have money and all they need is sex. The facebook man’s first weapon is his power in bed. And mind you there has never been a bigger driving factor to a man who knows how to do it in bed in his efforts to get that lady. He has the sexiest voice of words that quickly send the woman yearning for him from day one.

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The facebook man has confidence of a lion. You can never intimidate him even if you were Kardashian or something. He can handle any type of woman, and often challenges himself to go for that woman with ‘attitude and fierceness’. It is easy for him to tame any woman and confine her to his bodily wishes using the best of his shrewdness of the mouth. The mouth oozes words that pierce through her heart and glow inside her.

He is the kind of man who can sing a song from this poem titled ‘I will even take you from your husband’ and there is little you can do to resist. He can wreck marriages, though he aims the single lady so much or the married lady whose husband has nothing to offer. You know of these loser husbands? These are the husbands who can do all the things right except only that he is weak in bed. He is too lazy in bed.

I don’t know whether to term him as man of his own making or simply a Casanova. Of course he is a Casanova because he has the best charm which is not aimed at sustaining a woman’s feelings but being there for a small while. What can I say of this man? He is usually in his early thirties and everyone is waiting for him to marry, but doesn’t look like abandoning his bachelor mood any soon. Everyone knows that he likes skirts. He openly confesses so and a lady can easily open her legs for him even on the first meeting. Ogling anywhere is a necessary evil that is a conventional normalcy in his world.

If you are a lady you just can’t avoid him; only if you hate him will you resist him. I cannot warn you of anything about him, because he is there to stay. Just be one the watch because his shirt has words emblazoned on it, and it reads ‘you look like my next patient’ on the front and on the back ‘come soon customer, I miss you already.’

-phone credit: wired

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