One beautiful evening I’ll be seated by the fireside, the heat pressing hard against my skin. I’ll be in my late 60s or 70s, an age where I am no longer agile. The fire in me would have died, being replaced by slowness and attempts to catch up with the life I missed while running up and down hunting people. Since the job was always first, perhaps I’ll be a lonely man. A man in love makes a poor covert operative, by endangering the lives of those he loves and putting himself as an asset to protect them. To avoid blackmail, you’ll learn to move like wind, and leave the mess you created for yourself.
Some young blood will be on his way to your home. You always knew this day would come. This young blood will be your replacement, he’s faster and energetic. He can accomplish more for the government than you could ever do. But again, you know too much. So you have to be silenced. The government does not take chances. When you stop being an asset, you are no longer of use. If anything, you can be used by others to bring down the government.
They know that a man has to survive. And for a man who has lived most of his youthful days as captive, he’ll desire to live more. Therefore, he’ll want to be comfortable. To be comfortable he’ll need enough money. He will want more and more to pay for the time lost chasing the wind while working for someone who used him. Such a man can do anything, including selling intel to enjoy a good life.
The end for people like us is almost predictable. When you retire, you know that the end is near. Retirement can be at 50 or 60. You will be accorded enough money to make you happy for a little while, and a home in a well-off community where you can stay in peace. The truth is that money won’t last long. Soon you’ll start needing to make some, and that is when you start doing what you do best. When you spend your productive years in service, you get to learn many things. These are the only things that you know best and are the only ones that you can use to better your life.
When he comes, you’ll know because you know how they come. You’ve spent most of your life studying situations and people. A difference in the speed of the wind, a moving curtain, a shadow on your door, a faint bark of the dog that dies instantly- all these could tell you many things, but the main one being that you’re not alone; there is someone else with you. So you won’t make an effort to escape. You will sit there, welcome him in. He will be wearing a black trench coat, a black hat, a black suit and black gloves. Standing at around 6’2, his young face will shine against the fire. His right hand will be on the table with an automatic pistol pointed in your direction. He won’t talk much, lest he forgets his mission. Mission comes first. And the more you talk, the more someone talks you out of it. It is dangerous to be caught in a situation with a chatty person. The more people talk the more different thoughts start hitting your mind. It is possible to entertain the thoughts of compassion. This job has nothing to do with compassion, forgiveness or mercy; it is built up on following instructions to the latter.
I shall offer him coffee, tell him to relax. We shall enjoy the coffee as we talk here and there. When you kill a man, whether a criminal or an innocent person, you have to do so respectfully. They deserve to die in a dignified manner. He too knows that when his time comes, he shall want to be treated so.
You will talk like two men who used to know each other, men who found themselves in forced circumstances and had to do what they had to do or else die. No one likes dying. I have tried it, but when it failed to work, I never wanted to die again. So you’ll do anything to avoid being killed. He will do the same because if he fails, he’ll be killed and someone will be given the mission.
When I got conscripted, I thought I was the only one. Then I ran into others during the missions. We never got to talk because no one should know what you do or who you are. And I looked into their eyes; they were more ruthless than those of mine. At least they had bodies that could fight if caught on the wrong corner by very bad people. My advantage was only that I could allow myself to be carried and propelled by wind if there were some people I had to run from. I’d fit places where heavy people wouldn’t. This is not to mean that when cornered I couldn’t fight my enemy. There were situations when you had to fight, there was no option.
The key to winning a fight is having the right tool and knowing when and how to use it. A gun that can’t fire is as useless as a rock that is thrown on someone’s chest. A stone thrown at someone’s eye is similar to someone being knocked down by a 10-tonne lorry. You don’t gamble or else you end up killed. And when you get caught by your enemy, you have to think faster and smarter than them. What you can be sure about such a situation is that things can get ugly so fast.
You tell him how good you were during your active times. It is a thing you have to do because he’s an audience. When a man does badass stuff, he always wants to tell his fellow men how he kicked some ass. Men are always like that, they want to be seen as menacing and bad. Since I’ve never had a chance of telling anyone about my conquests, I’ll tell him. I have to die in a happy mood.
It won’t matter how long it takes. We’re trained to be patient. So he will let me narrate my encounters until I feel I have said all.
There is no specified way of killing a person, be it shooting, slaughtering them, injecting them with a deadly virus or even strangling them. The thing is to get the job done without leaving the evidence. The least you touch things, the better. The less you carry on your body, the better.
He will look at me and say. “No hard feelings. It is just a job.”
I will understand.
This is an excerpt from my Ebook- My Life in Pieces. It is a 170-paged ebook that might or might not change your life. Check it out HERE. If you find the online process of purchasing rather complex, you can do a local purchase through MPesa and we email you a copy.
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Have a good read. Cheers!
Where shall we go, we who wander in this wasteland in search of better selves?