Every time I think of toxic exes my two friends Di and Lee come to my mind (Not their real names we all know the consequences of using their real names). It’s unfortunate that I cannot use myself as a teaching aid for explaining how a relationship with an ex can be toxic. It’s with dark amusement that I discover some two blasts from my past are avid readers of these blog, if a week passes without any post, they text to ask why I haven’t posted. As a rule I do not indulge an ex, whether he comes from the moon, sky or the sea. It’s for that reason that they all believe am arrogant.
Di loved this man from her high school days. They are what we call high school sweethearts. In a time when boy girl relationships were frowned upon, Di and her Tom (Lets call him that) were proud of their teenage romance. Di liked Usher and Alicia Keys song “My boo”, and true to the song’s lyrics even before other people started screaming Di’s name, Tom was there. He is the one who told her to put her lips like this, and put her lips she did. I should add that it was later discovered that our friend Di conceived when she was to join university. She had won a scholarship which was revoked, to add salt to injury; Tom disappeared to the US where he too had secured a scholar ship. They communicated from time to time, till the phone calls were no longer forth coming. Rumor mills streaming in the village at the time had it that tom had married a white classmate in the US. Relationship counselors advised Di to move on and forget about Tom. When she did, by accepting to walk down the aisle, Tom returned that eve of the wedding. He was devastated that Di was getting married. She got married and forgot about Tom, or so she thought. Her marriage never lasted, Toms memories reverberated in her marriage and completely cast a dark shadow over everything. She never cheated on her husband with Tom, but sources closer to her confirmed that she was still in love with Tom. Her husband was not half the man Tom was as she says in her own words. She physically broke up with tom but emotionally she was deeply in love with him. While her husband provided everything from material to emotional needs, Di was never there. It was like she was not in love with the one man who had picked her up from the floor, dusted her up and given her honor before the whole world.
Maybe am a cynic, a bit pessimistic or an ice queen who carries grudges. Am guilty as charged but my point is that time should come when people become emotionally stable. Love to me is a second hand emotion. Love should come from the head and not the heart. It is good to be wisely in love, but it’s pathetic to be foolishly in love. Exes belong to the past and should remain in the past. Bringing them into the present and making references about them is not smart, it is a key pointer of emotional backwardness, am sad that women fall victim to these trend. I know of a crazy girlfriend (and other women too) who can’t help themselves before their exes. They keep talking and giggling of how no other man can love them or are as good as their exes. Some dumb ones even sleep with their exes and foolishly imagine that they are irreplaceable in their lives. Breaking news to women, men are physical creatures to many sex is not a big deal. Having sex with a man isn’t a direct passport to his heart; and above all it doesn’t mean that you are unforgettable, it only means that you are available emotionally and physically to be manipulated and misused. If a man sleeps with you and you broke up and have no plans of getting back together. It means that he is doing the same with other exes.
If an ex was loving and the greatest love of your life he couldn’t be called so. He could be in your life and could still move mountains to be important in your life. Methinks the word ex has been overrated; it should be banned so that men and women have peaceful lives. It becomes scary when both sexes insist on being friends. Friends for what? Forget them, banish every moment that you ever had and live life oblivious of their existence; like what they do and how they feel about you or whether they are happy with other people or unhappy.
It’s tragic that some people refuse to move on or give themselves pleasures or displeasures of life like marriage just because of exes. My girl lee is that person she had broken up with Jack (Not his real name of course) decided to marry Lee’s best friend. When wedding preparations were underway, Jack perished in a road accident. Lee was devastated and she still is, as I go to print Lee is not married and does not plan to. It is wildly romantic to say no to life’s pleasures because of one person whether living or dead. I think it is giving them more than they deserve, giving them a lot of power over you and being unfair to one self.
A blast from the past shouldn’t be toxic. The past should never hold your present ransom because of what happened. Toxic exes should be cut off because like the biblical fig tree it does not bear any fruit. It belongs to the fire. It should burn.No fire comes from old forgotten ashes.