Of slay queens and era of beauty minus brains

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Warning- Reader discretion is advised

Slay queens might have been the worst tragedy that happened to this era of where beauty is rewarded whilst brains look like they lost their place in the world. The term slay queen has caught a storm and has now terribly started threatening what used to be and still is good women.

In describing who a slay queen is, according to my own jurisprudence, she is the latest representation, in Kenyan context, of a girl who is fighting so hard to be recognized (attention seeker) by the world due to their lack of fully functioning brains. In the shortest description, this girl strives to be relevant in a world where she has no place.

In the shortest admission of the facts that defy nature in any form, slay queening is the substitute of hard work. It is a shortcut to overnight success and fame- beating against all odds of any dreamer who over time, has believed that success and fame take years to truly achieve.

It is honest of me to admit that slay queens are famous not for their nice clothes of makeup, rather their lack of brains.  For me to lowly think of them is not a problem because many others feel that their heads are utterly empty. They simply lack knowledge of the most basic things.

Basic knowledge is the most important thing as it is quintessential in day to day life of a person. Lacking such basic knowledge can detrimental.

For a slay queen, one belief that comes into the limelight is that if you position your good well, and fuck the right man, you’re the true definition of success. This means that slay queens value money over anything, forcing them to use any means to justify the ends. And since they possess no brains, therefore, they use what they have in between their thighs to make a living, yet when you call them prostitutes they come at you with guns blazing. Or are they not?

I mean it is their pussy. I don’t care what they use it for, whether it is to extort money from men, or pissing or fingering- but we all know that no one can become rich overnight no matter how hard they worked.

Now after fucking the right person and extorting money from men, a slay queen won’t let people on social media sleep with peace. It is safe to say that they fancy flaunting another man’s hard earned money on IG and Twitter.

The starter pack for slay queens- infinix, or any other big phone, all kinds of makeup, and cheap but good looking clothes, and body enhancers such as booty liners and those bras that project fake boobs, fake eyelashes, without forgetting a strong liver. For such a girl, face value is the greatest of all things. Every time she gets out of the house she has to ensure there is some makeup on her face. She fears that the world will be scared of her ugly real self. So she is a living lie.

While some of them might be naturally beautiful, most of them are wannabes who are jealousy of what natural beauty can do, so they have shelved their brains in preference of getting a face that can delude men into sleeping with them in exchange for money.

To be outrightly clear, every single sexual encounter a slay queen haves with a man is targeted towards bills. She wants money for her hair, clothes, food, shoes, and rent. If a man can’t do this, then the hoe moves to seduce another man who’s willing to part with his fortunes for some whack ass pussy.

This is to say that these girls can sleep with multiple men to achieve their goals. It is their ‘job’ to seduce men- not the other way round. In their packs (because they walk and exist in groups), they will advice each other on the next move when things aren’t okay. They’re always on other women’s men, trying to steal them because married men seem to have settled down and made a lot of money. It is that money, the money another woman helped that man make, that they want.

They’re always hustling for numbers to successful husbands. They know in one way or another they will crack the safe- and more so if they can get that man to eat their pussy. It’s a game of pussy give, money take. Protection has never and is never going to be in the picture because no man is gonna pay handsomely for a pussy that he didn’t fuck. Men can only do that to whores who parade in K-street because they’re parting with just a few hundreds. But if you’re paying rent for someone, boy, you better eat every inch of it.

It is common to hear stories of girls who contracted HIV/AIDS, became angry and started sleeping around so that they too can die with others. It is common.  While they want to blame the one who gave them, they don’t want to face and accept the reality that they opened their legs to welcome them. You see how double-sided these bitches are?

I really don’t care where and how they get their money from (coz we know), but let them not mess with other people’s lives when they fall into trouble. Yes, many get beaten, many die, many get their overnight riches stripped when the man discovers he’s not the only one, and many, still, die miserably of HIV/AIDS.

A friend of mine, a medical student, who has specialized and now earns from helping these girls abort, can tell you that abortion is a daily snack for him. On a daily basis, especially at night, he has his apartment which acts as a hospital, full of lady clients who want to abort. Some are common figures while others are newbies who at first seem shy but also become regular patients over time.

There are many women out there who look at people’s children and die with pain because they can’t have children, yet in a certain corner of this Kenya, a certain lady is in her 5th abortion. It is the real world. I wonder what happens when one loses fertility after such heinous acts. Do they ever blame God or do they blame themselves? Can you ever blame God for your mistakes?

It isn’t uncommon nowadays to notice, as you stroll around town, nearly nude girls with boobs hanging out like they are having a sunbath. This habit of leaving little to the imagination is one of the gimmicks of trying to blow away the minds of men whom they want to exploit; a slay queen can never work for her money- she’ll only work to remove it from men’s pockets.

As if that is not enough, they are always asking around where rich men hang out, where there is a party because half their lives are spent in clubs massaging men’s dicks, drinking liquor (they must have strong livers because they can drink barrels) and hooking up with other women’s men; and smoking shisha- reeling in that ugly smoke escaping their nostrils. For all they care, these girls have no respect for marriage and when they can’t find a good man, when they become too old for this girlish stuff, they say there ain’t good men anymore. Do they remember what they did back there with people’s husbands?

Probably social media is for everyone, so long as you know how to use them. Unlike genuine users, these girls will lead fake and extravagant lifestyles on social media- taking to the Gram, Snap Chat, and Twitter. They are often competing for attention with invisible and imaginable foes who they keep calling ‘bitches.’  I wonder if their real life resembles anything they post on social media, the pictures in the malls, nice eat outs such as Java, nice hotels and decoying meals. They will never admit to eating local foods such as githeri or chipo mwitu– they are too cool for anything local.

I guess living as a lie is the worst sentence one can do to themselves, because pretending to come from rich background, feigning accents and talking in English (though when it comes to writing the grammar is terrible- they can’t differentiate I’m and am), living a lie is gonna make many people think that you’re accomplished so that when you really need help, no one will help you- why help a rich person? I mean they got the mullah, right?

Have you ever wondered why some people carry a bush of horse hair weaves and wigs on their heads? I don’t know who lied to these girls but these nests make them look like walking bushes. You can imagine them thinking that a second-hand old wig is something so trendy and enviable. Many end up looking disgusting but since their ‘girls’ wouldn’t want to hurt their feelings, they let them keep it.  These wigs emit some form of ardor when you’re close to them. I must admit that I have dated a few slay queens, not because of my money but I credit my mouth, and I didn’t like it. I prefer my woman’s hair clean and short, if possible.

If there was a country named selfie nation, we would deport all these bitches down there because that will be their work all day. Everything in their lives has to be accompanied with a selfie with one leg up. – Mostly showing off piles of make-up on their faces, boobs or ass- makeup, boobs, and ass. Looks like my combination, but where do you take a dumbass douche bag who can’t even read a one-page book. I wonder what you’ll reason with them as they’re ignorant and clueless of the day to day conversations going on in the world.

The thing about refreshing makeup every minute and after every sip of a drink makes you think they eat lipstick for survival. Maybe it’s their starter, main course meal and a dessert (they don’t know the difference between desert and dessert, trust me) because they eat it all the time. It is their savior. Lipstick and make-up. If you happen to meet one minus makeup, we will simply forgive you for mistaking them for Robert Mugabe. We didn’t talk the eyebrows thing, did we? Like the way they shave them off and draw them back with a pencil? What kind of deception is that? It is witchcraft.

Being blue ticked is in the season nowadays, thanks to the slay queens. But since we got the memo that you can be blue ticked and life goes on, it isn’t really a problem now, though for newbies in this dick and pussy game it is life-threatening. These girls can blue tick you for days on end. You see them online but they never send you a reply. You wonder why? They, just as blue ticks, are in season- meaning they have a market and the options for the biggest bidders are staggering. They feel important, or that it makes them feel important. But does it? They’re the biggest clowns.

Aside from abusing other women and calling them trash just because they’ve chosen to remain loyal to themselves, they think that they’re enviable in the eyes of men, wielding some superiority among other women thus demanding to be treated so. It is here that they also sneak in things they refer to as ‘standards’- ‘me I can’t date a broke guy, I cannot have a man who does not drive, I can’t go to a party if it’s not in Karen, Kile and the likes– she would rather sleep hungry than show that she is broke. She can’t stand the ‘embarrassment.’ She better starve rather than lacking lipstick or makeup.

How can you not date a broke guy when your own father does not even own a bicycle? At least he must have led by example, bitch.

Will she ever be able to hold on and continue living that lie forever or one day she going to humble down and for once tell herself the truth about herself? That day is not that far, perhaps, when all the scales shed and she starts to face real life because her market value will hit zero. It is where we all become human. Whether you fall for a rich man or you kill him and inherit his empire, or if he gives you part of his inheritance, a day comes when life levels us.

So, I won’t wish you Karma, but remember, just as you tell other bitches that karma is a bitch, your payback time is just around the corner. You might never know when it comes, but you surely will know when that bitch knocks on your door.

As the Bishop of Hope, and cousin to the father of Team Mafisi, I check out. Till next time,

Mzangila Snr.


where shall we go, we who wander in this wasteland in search of better selves?


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About Mzangila

Mentor, media consultant, photographer, editor, poet, writer, and counselor.

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One comment

  1. Boss, if you do not want to date a girl who loves to take care of herself, you are free to go and look for those plain Jane’s. Then you will be the same guy complaining after 5 years that your boring girl “amejiwachilia” but that’s what you like: a boring, unkempt, baggy-kitenge-wearing girl. I am a guy and i love it when my girl dresses up. She does so with her own money. She works in a bank, bought her own car. Doesn’t even drink but if she did, she is a grown up and can do as she likes. Beauty and brains exists. Stop hanging out with idiots. Anyway, Enjoy your plain Jane’s, and let the rest of us celebrate women who love taking care of themselves. Women dress and live for themselves, contrary to what us men have been conditioned to believe.

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