Of Kilimani mums and bizarre bedroom shenanigans

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PREAMBLE

The intention of this blog is not to sound too vulgar or be the centre for disseminating the same. Today’s post is going to be too raw to take in. I fully comprehend that some of us are used to this nastiness, but for the preservative few, we apologize up front for the kind of lingua used. If you don’t have a heart, you might want to reconsider reading it. On that, we are ready to go.

The information below is not backed up with any medical research or evidence and the views expressed are not to be substituted for professional advice. Try at your own risk

 

If you thought politicians are the only crazy beings we’ve got on the planet, then you should be surprised that women have also been. Take this lightly, women.

While men have been obsessing about gambling and cars and latest kicks, women have been inventing more ways to bring pleasure into the bedroom. We all want to have great sex and if possible, varying experiences because the mother of boredom is always doing the normal traditional missionary, ejaculate, roll over and snore.

While many people prefer not to complicate things, others are always looking for better ways to improve their sexual relationships. Women, who in most cases are the victims of sexual dissatisfaction, have been at the forefront in finding more ways to bring extra energy in the bedroom.

We are not going to talk about dildos, whether bought or locally made (you can consult me privately on how to make dildos locally using a condom and a freezer), or any other sex toys.

In the wake of empowerment and exposure to internet, women have discovered new ways to change boring into exciting. This, as you can tell, has been a class taught on Facebook group called Kilimani Mums and Dads uncensored.

For a while now, women have expressed interest in knowing more about the new techniques to use in their bedrooms to make their sex more enjoyable. I have been in the group for a while and have come across bizarre stuff.

Strepsils lozenges

Strepsils was introduced into the Kenyan market to help relieve mouth and throat infections. And we all used it for that purpose until recently when we discovered that the manufacturer forgot to include that it can also be used in the bedroom during oral sex in their uses. During fellatio, a woman takes these lozenges to bring a cooling and breezy effect on a man’s penis. This also brings the same tingle in the woman’s genitalia during cunnulingus.

Apart from the sensational effect it brings on the genitalia, one Rose Njeri confirmed that it leaves a refreshing taste in the mouth during the blowjob.

“I use Strepsils Cool Flavour which has a menthol taste that leaves a cooling effect on my man,” she further says. “Before, I used to use ice cubes but now I prefer Strepsils because of the refreshing favour.”

The trick is to cool the menthol on these lozenges with water before b/c job so as not to “burn” your partner.

If you ever find a shopkeeper asking you why you need to buy Strepsils (ni za nini?), now you’re in the know.

Tropical mint

When shelves got exhausted of Strepsils, there was a switch to tropical mint sweets to achieve the same goal during oral sex. They are known to leave a refreshing taste during this moment. Now packets are going of the shelves as if it is the elusive unga.

Rexona

I am used to hear of Rexona. I have also seen it in shops, supermarkets and a lot of them on TV ads. Until a few years ago, Rexona was basically a deodorant to help you not to sweat because it is a clinical antiperspirant. It was to help keep you keep dry and clean. Again, the manufacturer forgot to add that it can help in curbing premature ejaculation so that a man can have a stallion performance when screwing a chic.

As claimed by these women on Kilimani Mums, this deodorant is applied on the penis before sex. Minutes before sex. You spray that is. If you’re asking about the amount, then I have no clue, but I understand your conscience will let you know when it is sufficient. It acts as a mild anesthetic which reduces the sensitivity temporarily during sex thus giving you more time to do your business.

This Rexona therapy goes on for each round requiring a new dose. However, men are so wary of the effects it can have in their women’s vjajays. If you still want to give it a try, apply it 15 minutes before intercourse. On this end, I am waiting to hear the results.

Blue Rexona soap is also said to achieve the same purpose. If at all it is available. It is also said to work magic that leaves a woman looking for a gazeti to pepeta her petunia.

Warm water in a thermos

Probably it sounds peculiar when you hear warm water in a thermos. I also wanted to know what a thermos has to do with sex. Not until I discovered that the thermos is not really necessary. It is the warm water that is of essence. So whether you have a thermos or not, the main point is to have access to warm water.

You see you have been using Rexona up there. Rexona has its own effects on human genitalia. Therefore, when you finish your sex, the penis is cleaned with warm water before beginning the next round.

But even so, warm water is also used to stimulate male organs after sex. In the case where men just go to sleep after first round, wiping his penis with a kitambaa  or towel soaked in warm water will jerk his member as well as giving him a tingly pleasure.

Lemon and coke

Lemon and coke has been used for years, since the 1950s, especially by hookers who used them to tighten their p-units so that their clients feel like they are having sex with virgins.

According to Sarah, she washes her p-unit with lemon, and sometimes coke. “My vagina becomes tight and my boyfriend enjoys it all the time.”

A man wants woman who can be a wife in kitchen but a whore in the bedroom. Might this be the case?

On the other side of pleasure

This might look like an invention of the century that finally helps women experience more orgasms and for those who didn’t, starting experiencing some because their men can last longer in bed. It is the best news for one-minute men. But just like everything, on the flipside is where the real story lies.

Peppermint and spearmint can suppress the release of androgen.  Without this male hormone, this can easily cause impotence in the long term. You don’t want that, do you?

Menthol, which is found in the Strepsils, is also found in certain cigars. It can lead to shrinkage of male genitalia with prolonged use.

Mint also affects the flow of blood in your body by constricting blood vessels which can actually cause erectile dysfunction.

The use of Strepsils is only effective with unprotected sex, meaning that there is high risk of STIs spread.

Enriching your sex life

We all want to have sensational experiences in the bedroom. And it is seems like there is no school that gives sufficient knowledge on bedroom science. Leave alone Kamasutra and its 365 sex positions. That is why we are terribly looking for answers that can help us improve our sex lives.

Here is my suggestion on how you can reinvigorate your sexual life:

No one gives you an orgasm, you just open yourself to receive it

A conscious relationship will boost your sex life

How you do your sex, is how you do your life.

Maintain open communication with your partner, you can always explore more way. Sex is not about how long your penis is or how tight your pussy is, it is how you do it, the angles, the tricks and positions.

Improve your bedroom sex environment. The lighting, the sexy clothing, make up. Make all stops and that creates an environment that invites memorable sex.

Do Kegel exercises and some yoga

Exercise often. This strengthens and tightens your muscles (if you need someone to help you out, write us info@mzangila.com) and gives you more power

Eat well. Consume a healthy diet. Fruits, veggies, juices and smoothies assist your muscles growth and repair. These muscles are the ones employed during sex. Eat a balanced diet.

Your sex life is your choice, therefore, we’re not going to tell you to stick to any manual. Experience a blast in your sex life. But do not let it kill you.

This post is sponsored by HEALTHY LIVING ORGANISATION

As always, I am your peace ambassador,

Mzangila Snr

Kabla ya mtu wetu, Kenya kwanza

Mzangila Empire 2017

 

 

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