The Nairobian madness

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The first time I heard of chipo I was in form one after getting out of the village for high school. It was the first time for me to come across chips, which in our school was famously known as njiva. Njiva was the talk of the school, especially by the dudes who were on constant trips, and had heavier pockets than I had,

Everyone craved for njiva, and with its powerful aroma, every arm extended, while every mouth patiently held the heavy craving that lay beneath the tongue, and the lips moved in calculated strides just to sheath the impatient saliva from dripping. It was a name.

Soon enough when I entered college people were no longer tied to buying chips from nice joints that made better and tasty food. Instead the locally invented joints mushroomed all over; every corner developed and built chipo mwitu joints. It is then that chipo mwitu got incepted.

This move brought this delicacy closer to its consumers, who for some reason happened to be ladies. It remarkably turned out to be a food that people would crave for.

The battle of the titans commenced at this period. Every small class business person thought of opening a chipo mwitu joint to cater for the large market that overflowed with ever willing customers. The business became lucrative. Thick lines formed in front of such joints. And our ladies lined from morning to evening at these joints.

Soon everyone had this delicious word on their mouth. You could not avoid it. It was devastatingly inescapable. And business flourished. Business people got happy, each day accessing to hundreds of customers, and expanded their joints to accommodate their lovely customers.

Chipo became breakfast, lunch and supper. It was treated as a whole meal, a diet with all the necessary nutrients to keep man fit and moving.

Demand calls for added supply. And soon the business people got a trick, that they could utilize transformer oil to cook those chipos, something happened.

After a while lifestyle changed completely. It was a problem of the century. and the Nairobian woman’s madness became real.

Blame the devil, the devil that is in us. This devil came with itself bitter results which left each one of us flabbergasted. Our women started growing fatter and fatter.

The concept of fitness finally lost a lot of meaning in our lives. We watched our sisters lose taste, become less attractive and carried large piles of fat with themselves. You are left to wonder of they are have a daily dose of fattenIng cereals every morning.

It is a common trend to come across very huge ladies at whatever point. You could not go 100 metres without getting in touch with a very loosely shaped lady, with piles of loose fat hanging from every part of their bodies. These ladies will sit with you in a bus or mat, occupy half of your seat and still want to pay bus fare begrudgingly, with lots of nonsensical  whines.

I have been to joints that sell junk food, trust me; you can never find slim people lining up to buy such stuff. Such lines are full of boringly fit people. Look at McDonald’s, Chicken Inn, Chips inns, and other food joints that sell obesity. All you can notice is a crowd of heavily stuffed ladies devouring junk food, clearing plates and plates.

In blaming the devil, I agree with one thing, that the rate of unfit ladies is growing terrific so fast. Shapeless women are filling our streets, rolling like massive sacks of potatoes.

Have you asked yourself why there are many single ladies in Kenya? It is because they are no longer attractive. They have no curves. They have no ass. They have large loose boobs. They have sticky legs. They have huge stomachs, which I call bellies of the elephant genes.

We are losing our young women to junk foods. Those stretch marks that have climbed all over the body to form a very ugly sausage like bodies, which are very round at the middle, suck.. Even if you searched for a waist you cannot find it. This sucks. Very sulky.

When it comes to wearing miniskirts—it is safe and easy, after all, to display legs of which the world approves (fit woman)—but a fat woman’s act of wearing a miniskirt is about the quiet conviction that one shares only with oneself, a sense of ‘rightness’ that others failed to see.

Such ladies have come to sense an unvoiced yearning in them, a sad search for something they could never end. They all look like a well-educated child enmeshed in insecurities.

I get saddened that such ladies are so poorly educated (in healthy living of course ,hehe)and but do not know that they are poorly educated. It makes me want to be a teacher. I imagine myself standing in front of a class full of such dunderheads, teaching. It would suit me, the teaching life, as it had suited my mother. I often imagine other things I could have done, or that I could still do: teach in a university, edit a newspaper, coach professional table tennis.

I did not want to talk about obsessively fat girls using offensive words became we humans. I beat about the bush so much but hope I conveyed my point very well. The above complaint is not only addressing our ladies but also men who for some reason still find the old swag of elephant bodies so stylish. Do not create a recipe of your own death by unhealthy living methods.

Through constant exercise, frequent work outs and healthy living practices we can be a better society. We have to monitor the kind of food that we send down the gullet. We have to reduce the large calories of food that we consume.

A morning jog here, a fruit there, and a glass of water to top up may serve our bodies better slavery rather than lining up in front of joints to gobble fatty foods. Staying healthy is a personal achievement. It cannot be pressed on our shoulders, no one is willing to carry someone’s cross.

Cut clinic costs, cut medical costs, cut food costs, and reduce the level of stress by frequently doing work outs. Even if you have elephant genes, your body will be huge but with firm muscles.

Below are the few tips of coping with obesity in brief (if you find yourself in such situation).

  • Write in a journal to express pain, anger, fear or other emotions.
  • Don’t become isolated. Try to participate in regular activities and get together with family or friends periodically.
  • Join a support group so that you can connect with others facing similar challenges.
  • Stay focused on your goals. Overcoming obesity is an ongoing process. Stay motivated by keeping your goals in mind. Remind yourself that you’re responsible for managing your condition and working toward your goals.
  • Learn relaxation and stress management. Learning to recognize stress and developing stress management and relaxation skills can help you gain control of unhealthy eating habits.

Where are the good old beautiful, curve women that had a sense of fitness? How I wish God could rain some enormous fire to consume all the chipo mwitu joints in this country. God save our women.

GENTLEMEN VERSION OF A FAT GIRL.

 

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