It is in the middle of the night on my bed and I’m pretty much wasted when I decide to take my pen and paper as ‘I can just feel a great story coming’. No, am not feeling shit, am just high and a drink or two (they were way more but who’s counting) can do that to you and I become this drunken philosopher whenever I’ve had one. Am also following up on a game witnessing my thousand bob go down the drain as Cagliari is ‘limwad’ by Pordenone and just like that, I lose my bet. At this point I have already switched allegiance and am now backing Pordenone to inflict more damage to Cagliari for costing me my money.
Hours earlier, I had won some good money from a multibet on Atalanta, Sporting Braga, this team that has an Mpesa code for a name (FC Midtjylland) and some other few teams that I do not recall. This, as you can imagine, had set the mood for the day and also given that the president and his deputy were being sworn in on the same day, this was to be quite a celebration. Talking of celebrations, I always have a thing for them. My favorite part is when the president inspects the guard of honor (Gwaride la heshima) and when the disciplined forces march. Couple this with the Swahili commentary and throw in words like Mtukufu Rais, amiri jeshi mkuu, Luteni Kanali and the likes and you’ll have me glued to the screen the whole time. It always goes like; “Mtukufu Rais, kikosi kinachopita mbele yako kinaitwa KSQ yaani Kenya Slay Queens. Kikosi hiki kina umaarufu wa maringo, uzembe, udaku na kependa anasa. Itakumbukwa kwamba kikosi hiki kilihusika pakubwa katika kuwanasa washukiwa wa wizi wa benki huko Thika.”
So as nature dictates, I had proceeded to celebrate this historic event at a local joint just like I know several other Kenyans did. Fast forward the events to where I’m in bed with a pen tired from the up and downs of the day; not my up and downs, it’s more like the up and downs of my hand and the glass it was holding for most of the afternoon. Truth be told, I could not write a complete sentence because my hands were shaky and eyes blurry. So I resulted to my usual procedure for whenever I’m feeling philosophical but under the influence. I start recording my thoughts which are now a loud croaky monologue. Please do not drink and write. The mornings after are usually characterized by self loathing and a lot of laughing at yourself and that is not to say that if you record yourself you’ll not do the same. It might actually turn to be worse but I have learnt to live with my misgivings.
By now, my mind is now swirling around multiple ideas but one stands out, motivation. At this moment I am given to wonder what motivates me. What makes me do the things I do? What makes me wake up every morning? Do I wake up in the morning because I want to or because I have no choice? Generalizations lead me to believe most people don’t do things because they are motivated. They simply do things because they are required to. You go to work because you are required to pay the bills by the end of the month. You go to class because you are required to have at least signed 75% of those stupid attendance sheets by the end of the semester. You continue seeing him or her because you don’t want to break their heart. You go to church during the holidays because you don’t want your mum to think that you have become a ‘kafiri’ since you joined university but we all know you are a slay queen in the streets of campus.
In my drunken haze, it occurs to me that most people prefer to be busy at the expense of achievement. You work your ass off all year with nothing to show for it because you are afraid to be jobless or idle. You are afraid of what people will say about you because you graduated last year and you still have no job. I challenge you to take up new hobbies, do something you love doing for your own satisfaction and don’t put a price tag on everything you do.
Personally, I have had to assess and reassess myself on what I have achieved this year. Luckily, I cannot say that I have not achieved anything but neither can I say I have achieved much. I am there in between but I am working extra hard to not be just average. I have started prioritizing achievement over being busy and I think people should do too.
It is at this point in my recording that I start being sluggish in my speech, sleep taking the better of me and my train of thoughts enters this dark tunnel…