Just find it

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Ever asked yourself why your life is miserable, or unhappy or unsuccessful? Have you taken your time, at some point, and asked yourself whether life is worthy living? Ever sat down, slouched your head over a corner and questioned life, and why other people seemed to progress but not you? Is there a point in your life where you pray that you better eat the suck than live? I am sure you’ve been troubled once or twice as to why you’re not doing well of while your juniors seem to be having excellent lives. Well, you’re not alone. But I am not in that situation right now, so you might be really alone. However, I used to be.

I recall there were times that I prayed for death to hug me. Days when it would rain havoc and chaos in my life that I wanted to just sublimate from the face of the earth. I spent days whining and groaning, wishing the earth would turn upside down so that I could be thrown somewhere even in the Mars. Everything all around me looked terrible and life was quite horrifying.

But those days are gone. For me. For many of us, we continue to enjoy a slice of these pains every day- regrets, poverty, sadness, miserable life is all we can boast of. Some of us have been knocked down by the knee caps and surrendered, some have been battered severely but keep going in the hope that an angel of salvation will come and drown them in better tidings. Some have become Christians because it gives them something to hope for during tragic times. Christianity tells us that all these will pass by, we shall suffer no more when this life is over. Some have taken their lives. Others have become mad. Many more have resorted to taking liquor to drown their pains. The wake up to a bottle, they sleep in brewing dens, some have moved in with brewers so that they can access brew whenever they want it. There are those who smoke spleef, they say it numbs their problems.

We’ve devised many ways of contending with our troubles. In whichever circumstances we have at least found a quick solution to a not so temporal difficulty. Some of these solutions work. Others backfire and we become the underdogs. The backlash from our quickly devised solutions in many occasions leave us desperate…

Life has so much distress. And the word giving up is not a preserve of the miserable few but rather a common for almost each one of us. At one point in life, you’ve given up and wanted to die. You felt there wasn’t anything that can relieve your pain or make you feel better, you sulked at it, hated your friends, your family and even your very own life. There was no future. You were just in a hole where only you could see the darkness in it. Alone. It was you against the world.

God was not there. You were angry at Him. How could he let you be in such a fix? Why did He have to create you and leave you to suffer? You wanted to chase Him away. You wanted to tell Him to fuck off your life. You wanted to cry all night, sleep all day, do nothing, and just wait for a day that you die. After days of mourning, complaining, getting angry, cursing, feeling dejected, banging walls, hunger became your friend. It was the only pal you wouldn’t hate or avoid or shun from. The pal that stayed by you always. Whether you were in a loo cursing, whether you were in bed day dreaming, whether you were on a couch figuring how to take those pills and die, it was there knocking at your stomach- “Hey! Hey! It is me your pal, open up. Hey! Open up this godamn door! I’m coming in with it if you don’t.” you couldn’t ignore it. It had to come in.

Immediately you woke up from your silly dreams and life was still living large. “Hey, did you miss me?” it asked you. All you could do is look back it with contempt. “No! Why the hell would I miss you? Who do you think you’re?” you tell yourself kimoyomoyo. A second shot at life.

We’ve all in one way or another been in such a dilemma. Life is an ass you know. There are things we cannot run away from. We cannot say that we’ve had it smooth. There is crushing, knocking, trouble, diseases, poverty and many other things. But the biggest of the worries is giving up. Which is a battle we all need to face when trouble strikes.

If you want to know a strong person and the one with a strong mouth, find them when they’re at their lowest. Strong people are swift. When trouble hits, it actually sends them awash to the shores of the crocodiles’ mouths. But before that crocodile opens its mouth to gloat about the victory, this person is already on top of it and beating it mercilessly. He beats the crocodile so bad that it gets injured and disappears into the deep waters. This person comes out wet but victorious, revamped and ready to start his day off. He has known he can actually beat a crocodile, and now he is almost sure that he can rip a lion apart.

The one with a strong mouth usually gets drowned even in a small river. He has never known how a river looks like. Catastrophes leave them vulnerable and you’ll hear them shout for help. When they see a snail, in their head, they imagine it is a snake.  Where is my story going?

We were all meant to be something. Or is it that we were all meant to do something? The point is that there is one specific thing that you were meant to do. That one thing is your only purpose.  I will call it a thing because I don’t know its name.

This thing is in each one of us. When we discover it, our lives are going to change forever. Look at it this way, there are people who never go to school, people who don’t seem to know anything, people from poor backgrounds, people you never thought they would make it but they did. It reached a point and every door in their lives seemed to open and they were gone.

Don’t call it luck. That would be subjecting my point to nothingness. When you discover this thing, you will not need any capital, motivation, support, or anything. It is a thing that needs nothing from the outside to make it operational. When you find it, you will know. You will just start doing it immediately. You will be happy. You will be successful. You will never go back to where you came from. You will never look back. You will stay positive. You will move out of your shack. You will find a new life, new friends, new everything.

The sad truth is that we don’t discover this thing at the same time. Each of us does at their own discretion. At our own pace. Some even find it at the 90s.

You start living when you find this one thing you were meant to be or do. Before that, you’re going to suffer, get battered severely, sleep in the cold ditches, drink water from the gutters, kiss so many asses, and do a lot of bad things that you will hate your life. You will bleed, you won’t find happiness, you will kill people, you will never be satisfied, you will do multiple jobs but never make it, struggle but never see the dawn, get sick, worry, get in and out of marriages, stay alone, move houses, travel miles and back.

Until you discover it, life will be dim.

How do you find it?

You will know when you find it. But until then keep searching. In the back of your mind, just know that there is a thing that could end all your troubles. Forget capital. Forget well-wishers. Forget friends and parents. Forget your degree. Find it. Go into a room every day, lie on the table, dissect your body and look deep into every tissue. It is very small, take a microscope if you can. Find it. Find it.

Once you find it, you will never be sad again. Poverty will be a word you see in the dictionary. Suffering will be for other people. Happiness will be your in thing. Success will kiss you from everywhere. Once you find it, that is the only key to your life. You’re living someone else’s life right now.

Don’t ask me if I have found it. This is about you, not me. I am working on mine, and I am probably closer than I was yesterday. That thing is in you. Whether it is a lumberjack, a doctor, a driver, a writer, a chef or a sorcerer. Just find it. Your life will change.

Have you ever thought that maybe all you’ve been looking in this world is in you? What if you discovered that all you’ve been searching for is you? Whatever is holding you back is that one thing. It will lead you to your breakthrough.

May you find that thing, that purpose, that life, that person you were really meant to be. Maybe, you wouldn’t ever struggle again.

 

Cheers.

Yours

Mzangila Snr

 

Peaceful elections. May we meet again.

 

Where shall we go, we who wander in this wasteland in search of better selves?

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