First dates

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I do realize that that my creative mojo isn’t back yet. Therefore, I am not going to treat you with endless stories for a while. My neighbour, Njeri, has lately commented on the same because I always pass my material through her before it ends up here. She doesn’t have a good editing hand, but she has a great gut for humour and laughter.

Anyway, as promised in the last article (insert link), I am now prowling online dating sites like a ninja. This is in my quest to find several matches with whom I can have fun with. I joined this one online dating site; which I won’t mention because I don’t want us to meet there- it might make things awkward for me; which has several local women in their early and late 20s, who are ready to ready to mingle. I have been spending my days jostling between women of different flavours, engaging in flirtatious conversations and trying to win their hearts.

I’ve realized it is much easier to do this when you have WIFI. When using data bundles, this Safari browser guzzles them and within no time you’re out of juice.  I have had luck, because I know how to charm girls with words, in getting some women and girls alike into agreeing on going for a date with me. A friend of mine has always told me that when it comes to girls I am a lucky bastard. Reason being that I get women quickly once I lose them. What he doesn’t know is that it takes lots of investment for me to get those women.

For every twenty women I text, I get one or two. He only sees the women I get, and not the effort I put and the women who don’t give a damn to reply to my hard-earned worded texts. I am resilient when it comes to things I like. I know that it is by doubling my efforts that I do get the results, even though they might not match my desires or expectations.

Soon I’m going to begin going to dates again. I haven’t taken a lady out on a date this year. So I might have become a bit rusty. This has forced me to refresh my first date tactics. As it is, first dates can be awkward, exciting, nerve-wracking, wonderful or even disastrous. You just don’t know what kind of experience to expect. Therefore, the first impression that you give on the first date matters a lot.

The main goal for a first date is to gauge how well the two of you connect. You’ve to present yourself in a way that makes the other person want to go out with you for a second and a third  date, because you’re interesting in a way that makes them long to see and hear from you again. By now, you’ve known that topics such as religion, politics and the likes are best to avoid should you want to stay positive and lighthearted in your first encounter. You don’t want to start taking sides too early and brushing shoulders with your date if they’re on the other side of the fence because politics and religion tend to have emotional attachment. Toss them into a bin!

All you want is the conversation to flow well, and to get to know each other better so as to determine if you two are a match. I have been doing some reading and I have come across several articles with suggestions of what and what not to do during your first date. I preferred to read those with titles “What not to do” during your first date. Make it a habit of reading about things you need to avoid, rather than the things you need to do because you can know what to do and miss what not to do, and one mistake might make you lose opportunities.

Most importantly, the best way to know a person is to ask them questions that matter, relating to things that you regard highly. You should not make it sound like an interview at the same time. Today I’d like to share ten of my best questions, the ones I always ask my dates during our first encounter. Remember, these are just my opinions, so don’t take them for expert advice.

  • What makes you unique?

It is funny how we take things lightly until someone asks them. Some questions can throw someone off, though sometimes they might bring out more questions about that person. The easiest way to know a person is by asking them about themselves. In this part, remember to ask about their hobbies, interests, if they enjoy sports, hiking, painting, dancing, reading and such activities.  This is important because if you’ve common interests then it means you’ve something that you can engage in together, and this could be an idea for your second date. If both of you like dancing, then you can go to a dance on the next date.

  • What are some random fun facts about you?

Some interesting things about your date might not come up during a regular conversation. But finding out about them is a fun way to get to know about them. They’ve already shared their interests and hobbies, but what are some of the crazy things they’ve ever done? We all have our crazy things, and those things in part, define who we truly are. They put us bare, and expose our silent desires which inhabit every human being.

  • What’s that something you want to learn or wish you were better at?

What a better way of making your date think about themselves in an insightful manner!  Here it is asking about their aspirations, hopes and dreams in a different way- the things they’ve always wished to be better at and those they wish to learn. This question opens up more questions and can lead to a great conversation. You’ll learn if they’re ambitious, if they’re procrastinators, go getters, or just people who are comfortable with little.

  • Would you rather…?

Would you rather…? questions are great icebreakers during first dates. They’re engaging as they can be answered by both of you, and can go on various levels-surface, deep, or even as silly as you want them to be. Here you’ve the window to ask even the most uncomfortable ‘would you rather’ questions without you coming out as bumpkin, pervert, or nincompoop.

  • Know any good jokes?

Not all people embrace humour, as I have come to find out. Some are just plain, and comfortable with that. Should you be one of those who love humour, this is a great question. Can they share something that makes you laugh? Laughing together at a stupid joke is also another ice breaker to help you feel more comfortable with each other.

  • What’s that thing that bugs you?

We all have those things that get on our nerves. Ask your date what bothers them. Are they generally laid back and easy going or do they tend to be tense and easily stressed?  Here try to find some of the things that make them (your date) tick. It is a way to open up and be honest to each other. Getting to know each other is built on honesty, so that you can know if you can handle their shit or not. Because if you can handle it, then “Your shit, becomes their shit, and their shit, becomes your shit.”

  • What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you?

Everyone has been embarrassed at one time in life. For some, it’s a constant. See if they’re comfortable sharing some of their most memorable embarrassing moments. Talking about awkward moments shows vulnerability, humility and a sense of humour. These moments makes us laugh at ourselves once in a while because they remind us of our stupidity and vulnerability.

  • What’s your favourite place on earth?

Some of us have travelled, or we know of places that we find very peaceful, alluring and serene- with awesome great views and several interesting things or activities to do. Do they have a favourite destination? Do they have a secret a place where they go to relax, unwind and escape the world? These questions give others a glimpse into our “happy place” and allows them to see what kinds of settings that make us feel we can be most like ourselves.

  • Who are the special people in your life?

The best way to judge people’s character is to pay attention to how they talk about other people. Ask them about their family, friends or even relatives. Here you get to know who has the biggest impact on your date’s life and who has had a pivotal role in shaping them to who they are today. It is a beautiful scene to watch someone talk about someone special in their life. There’s always some light to catch in their eyes.

  1. What’s one thing that you’re proud of?

Are they proud of their small and big wins? Ask them about decisions they have made and they’re truly happy about them. Get to know when they last won an award, and how it made them feel. This is to determine some of the things they truly value and some of the things they’ve truly worked hard for.

Now that you are informed, all I can ask is for you to be a good student. These are just good ideas, a mwakenya of sorts. But kindly don’t go writing them down on a piece of paper and go doing reference during your date. You don’t need notes on your date. You don’t need to ask all of the ten questions. Just grab what you think will propel your conversation to a great end, and at the end, having let you know the important stuff you needed to know about that person.

Let’s get to that date, folks!

It’s me again, your latest single, hot, skinny, tall dude. You know what they say about tall, skinny dudes…well, let’s get them dates going. And if you want us to go on a date, leave a comment, I’ll follow up.

Mzangila Snr,

Where shall we go, we who wander in this waste lands in search of better selves?

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One comment

  1. Great piece Sir 💯

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