We had just smoked pot. Lately we did that a lot whenever we had issues to solve. It was a way of avoiding confrontation which would have forced us to acknowledge that we were incompatible. We are so different from each other. She is a clean neat freak and I am more of an “I know it looks disorganized but I swear I know where everything is” kind of person. She thinks I dress too simple, that I don’t show off my curves. I think she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen regardless of what she chooses to wear. We had been good friends for ten years when it just happened. I was there; she was there; I felt it, she felt it and there has been no turning back, well, until two months ago.
The weather girl kept on yapping about something that became thick in my ears. I stole a glance. She had zoned off and kept on looking at her phone. I watched her breathing, looking so relaxed. She always takes my breath away. She is taller than me, so gracious, brown with a petite figure. She was wearing her hair in a ponytail just the way I like it. She adjusted her sitting position such that her legs were folded against each other and her thighs were exposed. They looked sexier than ever. I swallowed hard. The pot had begun to kick in.
“Jhene Aiko is rumored to be dating Chris brown! No way!”
“What about Karruache?” I asked, a little too concerned than I was supposed to be.
“I know right. Too bad for her…”
She continued scrolling her phone.
“How was your day though?”
“Not that bad. This is some good weed. Fuck is High!”
“You look so baked babe,” She said laughing
“And you look so hot…”
“Don’t start it with me we still haven’t worked out on our issues.”
“We smoked pot. Problem solved.” I said laughing.
“You have never been serious Sam. You always ignore the serious stuff we have to discuss.” She said
“Will you please lie on the couch. Wanna give you a massage. You are so tense you need to chill out. “I said hoping the offer will shut her up.
“Shh…” I shushed her slowly using my index finger on her lips.
“Just lie down…”
She turned to lie down then she busted into laughter for no apparent reason.
I went to take some olive oil from the bedroom She lied there sucking her thumb like a little girl. She looked so enticing. I walked to her and sat on her bum then slowly took off her blouse and loosened her bra. Her side breasts settled freely on the bra. This sight is always magical to me smeared oil on my hands then slowly started massaging her back. She gasped and I could feel her back relaxing. I was so high her back felt soft against my hands and her scent filled my nose. I couldn’t take it anymore all I could think of was tasting her. I kissed her back tracing her spine. A little moan escaped her lips. Her skin felt glorious against my lips. I nibbled her butt while kissing i.e. could hear her moan for more. I put my right thigh between hers to pat them. I wanted to feel her. Every time we did this it felt like the first time to me. She turned around to face me her eyes heavy from the pot and the arousal. She looked me in the eye then pulled me to her. Her lips felt like the inside of a rose. I could feel chills running all over my body. That moment in time, I got lost in her. I don’t think she has any idea of how much power she has over me.When I am with her I lose control ,I am naked and she has my soul my dreams my hopes…my everything. The bra fell off and her breasts fell free on her chest. I cupped her right breast and kissed it till I could feel her hard nipple. I wanted to do nothing more than to suck it. She moaned so loud and I knew what that meant. Squeezing on her nipples I ran my hands down her flat stomach. Her eyes closed and her lips parted.
This is kind of cheesy right? Maybe they won’t like it.
I think walking to the counter to pour myself more coffee. It’s four or five seconds past my bedtime. I’ve got three more days till Friday and I am trying to write a short story for some writing competition my best friend pressured me to get into which is due on Monday. Meredith has been on my case for the past two weeks about me quitting on my writing dream. I loved writing but I quit since it didn’t pay the bills. Art is evil, it fills your heart with passion and desire and a feeling of being chosen so you go after it full of hope and seeing nothing but the possibilities. You struggle day by day even sleep hungry in the name of art. Days turn into weeks into months into years and you are still in the same damn place. Eventually you have to give up, move on and survive.
I walk to my laptop undecided on whether I should just go to sleep and wake up after two hours to write or just come up with a better story. You know you’ve lost the battle when you choose to sleep then wake up later to work. That never happens. At least not to me. I sit down and stare at the screen. This story I am trying to tell is inspired alright. It’s something that has itched for long inside emit wants to get out, to be free but I have never let i.e. have fantasized about it over and over for years. Everything there is true but too direct. I need a back story a catchy story not some Fifty Shades of Grey bullshit. The taste of the strong hot coffee fills my mouth. I love my coffee just the same way I love everything else; black and strong. My creative juices seem to be drying up. I click on my Instagram page hoping to get something, anything to bring me back. All I can see is a bunch of funny memes and vines. I move back to my story and subconsciously start deleting everything. I want to write this story for me if not for the competition. Nonetheless, Monday is not until six days to come. I could take a detour write my story then come up with something else for the competition.
I will have definitely come up with something else.
I met Meredith back in college ten years ago. We didn’t instantly become friends. Ours was a gradual growth of working together as project mates that led us to be close. She wasn’t exactly, the type of person, I would have pictured to trust but she grew on me. By the time we were done with college we were soul mates. She became the yin to my yang. My person. Through the broke days we have starved together, eaten together and celebrated when we had more than enough. She was my shoulder to lean on during the heartbreaks as I was hers. She always does better than me in the dating department. I am shy and conservative and she’s the opposite; outgoing and vibrant. I landed a teaching job in a high school right after college and she landed a job in a fashion house as a designer. For some time we were happy and content until two weeks ago when she came to me with a slogan “Never arrive, never settle. “It got me thinking of how I got comfortable and stopped trying for the impossible out of this world things I always dreamed to achieve. So we made a pact to try harder.
“Besides I miss reading your stuff.” she said.
“You always give me harsh comments most of the time.”
“That’s’ because I want you to be better, tough love.” She said
I sent her two stories I had just written after a week and she sent me back opinions on how I could spruce them up. I created a folder on my desktop where I saved everything I wrote for her to read whenever she came over and I wasn’t around. When I came back I always found a few pointers under them. To be honest I hated her not approving me but somehow her criticizing me made me want to try again just to get her approval. I stare at the computer my mug is half full now. What I am trying to write is too personal. It is for me, not for Meredith’s approval. I take another sip of the coffee and I feel my body tingling with excitement. I create a blank page then crack my knuckles. This is it, I am ready.
Getting naked with someone to me has never meant taking my clothes off in front of somebody to have sex. Anybody can do that. To me it’s stripping yourself off your fears and doubts and letting somebody in exposing who you really are, what you really feel, your hopes and dreams. That has always been the hardest part in a relationship for media have never felt like anyone really has my back so I never let my guard down, that is, until I met Meredith.
Most people call me Samantha, I hate it. It’s long and unnecessary. Mer calls me Sam. That’s one of the reasons why I liked her. She’s hip, gorgeous, and hilarious and the most brilliant person I have ever met. We are like bros .Where I ran short Mer covers me and vice versa. We tell each other everything especially during the frequent sleep overs and yes we smoke pot a lot. I was there during the break ups with the creeps. Sometimes she got so hurt that I wanted to be her knight shining armor because that’s what she deserves which is totally ridiculous because I am a girl. In between the laughter, tough times, the tears and the hugs I fell in love with her. It has been a secret that I dread telling despite the constant thoughts about her and the possibilities. Do you know how fucked up it is to think about someone every hour and minute of every day? Five years later here I am with the same feelings even stronger.
“I’m so jealous you guys went out without me.”
I read the text sipping wine. Mer had traveled to Ethiopia for some fashion gala and she was coming back the next day. I was sitting at the far end of the booth. The club was full that I had to shove away two people who were literally dancing on my face. Shad signaled the waitress to bring in another round. The rest of the crew was having tequila except from me and Ashley. We stuck with white wine looking classy and soft. Moss and Gabby were already getting hot and heavy with each other practically taking nasty body shots. The boys cheered Moss as he put the shot of tequila in between Gabby’s enormous boobs. The shot balanced and he picked it with his mouth and drowned it then French kissed Gabby.
The waiter came with six shots of tequila salt and slices of lime wedge on a tray. Shad jumped next to me and Farid jumped next to Ashley after the waiter set the drinks.
“You all know the rules right? let’s do this!”
Shad held the slice of lime wedge in his mouth then tilted his neck a little to the left as I sprinkled salt on his neck.I ran my tongue slowly on his neck licking the salt off ,took the shot of tequila then with my mouth I took the lime wedge from his.I bite into the lemon then dropped it.Shad pulled me close and gave me a long kiss.It wasn’t as earth shuttering but it was okay.Another round came in and everybody took body shots off everybody.Moss and Gabby found a way to make that nasty too.Moss motor boated Gabby’s boobs before sprinkling salt on them.The kissing never ended for a moment I thought they were eating each other’s faces.
‘We just did body shots!” I texted Meredith adding three excited emojis.
“You are not helping.” she texted back along with a bored emoji.
We danced to the music like lunatic until we got tired.I kind of felt bad for Mer being stuck in Ethiopia and not being part of the fun.Farid was too drunk to sit up.Shad kept shaking him up.
“Come on man! We’ve got to keep going!” Shad said shaking him up
” I’m gone my nigga,goone,”Farid said giggling sheepishly.
‘”I have a question for all of you,” drunk Ashley said sipping her drink
“If you were to die today what would you regret not doing?”
Shad jumped in and said a bunch of success stuff.Gabby said she has done it all and Moss backed that up by crowning her as everything he has ever wanted.Farid was gone this time for real. It was my turn and I was too drunk to think of anything except Meredith. I wished she was here.I wished she was the one taking body shots off me, the one I was kissing tonight.
“I will regret not confessing feelings that I have had for this person..I won’t say who.”
“I know Samantha,It’s me and just so you know I have feelings for you too, in my heart and other places.”
“It’s not you Shad,”
“Playing hard to get ,I like it.”
“Whoever it is you have to tell them as soon as possible.What do you have to lose?They will either reject you..” Ashley burped
We all laughed.It was a good night and nothing could have complemented it than a hang out with friends.
“I am serious.They will either reject you or accept you either way, you will know the answer instead of living in such torture.” Ashley said then laid back on the seat.
She was right.What do I have to lose? Meredith was straight as far as I could remember.She had broken it off with her boyfriend two months ago and right now,she was single.Now was my chance to say something.
What if she rejected me?What about our friendship? This questions ran in circles through my mind.
I have nothing to lose.
I thought as I pulled out my phone. That was the alcohol speaking.
“Mer,I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired..”
No.That sounds like a Maya Angelou’s poem.
I though as I deleted the message.
“Mer,I am in love with you.Who you are is what I love.I know it’s strange and weird but no matter what I try I can’t quit you.”
Shad jumped next to me again and started peeking at my phone.I hit send before he could see anything.
“Who are you texting?the love of your life?” he said sarcastically
“You are too drunk,” I said laughing.
“Shh.. I am drunk,” he said resting his head on my shoulder.
“Another round then we go home?”
“Sure,” I said as Shad signaled the waiter.That’s the last thing I remember from that night.
I almost had a heart attack when my alarm went off.I was on top of the covers half naked and with one shoe still on.My head was pounding,my eyelids hurt as I tried to open my eyes and my mouth was so dry.I struggled to sit up ,my room was a total mess probably from all the staggering I did last night trying to make it to my bed. I walked to the bathroom and took a long shower trying to recollect what had happened last night . I remembered Meredith was flying back today.
“She better bring me the dress I asked for,” I mumbled
There’s something about hot showers that’s so therapeutic. I stood there letting the water flow down my body tracing every curve.I felt relaxed and the pounding was subsiding.
Oh my God the text!
I jumped out of the shower and ran for my phone.it was 2:00pm.I checked my messages hoping it was all a dream.That I didn’t text Mer what I thought I had. Too late,I had and the evidence was right there in our conversations.
Oh my God! What have I done!’
Mer said her flight would arrive at 9:00am and she would call me as soon as she landed.It was five hours past 9:00am and nothing!
Did I freak her out? How am I going to face her ever again.”
I stood there clenching my towel scared to death. I thought of calling her or texting to apologize then I resolved to shutting up.I had done enough damage as it was.Though drunk those were my honest feelings and if she’s my friend she will let me down easy and still be friends Apart from a ten year old friendship I had nothing to lose. I decided to give it twenty four hours before contacting her.
The hangover was still there so I decided to nap after eating as I waited to hear from her.I played candy crush till I fell asleep.
Mer called me from my porch.She never rings the bell nor knocks, she calls.I was nervous.I ran to the mirror to check myself before opening the door.She barged in brushing my shoulder and motioned straight for the couch.
“I’m glad to see you too,Come in,” I said sarcastically closing the door. I sat next to her.
“I know, I am sorry I was drunk..”
“Do you really feel that way? Why haven’t you ever said anything?”
“I didn’t want..”
“How long has this been going on…?”
“Five years..I guess…Look Mer, for once in my life I am going to be honest with you.Yes,I have feeling for you. Lord knows I have tried to stop but we can’t control who we love.It was a dick move to say that over text and I am sorry but I can’t apologize for what I feel.”
“What kind of feelings are they? you want to tap this?”
“Not really,that’s not my utmost feeling,maybe it’s because I have never been with a woman before but I want to love you,be there for you,make you happy and tell you you are beautiful and one hell of a woman everyday.I wanna see your face first thing in the morning and the last thing at night…”
“Sam..” she sighed
“Okay,I get it ,you don’t feel the same,I’ll stop now and you will…”
Her lips were on mine shushing me.I was too shocked to speak.The sensation was surprisingly so much pleasant than I ever fantasized and dreamed it was going to be.Without being aware I pulled her to me and every inch of our bodies touched.Our lips were locked,mouths opened greedily exploring every inch of her mouth my teeth biting her lower lip gently and I heard her moan, i didn’t care.She pulled away and looked at me.
“Aw,are you crying?,”
I hadn’t realized I was tearing up.She cupped my face then with her thumbs she wiped my tears then pulled me to her and kissed me again.I ran my fingers through her hair and a groan of pleasure escaped my lips.Nothing was going through my head.Everything felt right.I was happy.I have wanted this since the day we met.I didn’t know this could actually happen even in a million years.
“Does this mean you love me back,” I asked braking off the kiss.
My phone buzzed and I sprung up from the bed sitting straight up ending the wet dream I just had about my best friend.It was 6:00pm and Mer was calling.My heart beat faster as I slid the answering button to accept the call.
“Halo,are you back?” I asked crossing my fingers she hadn’t read my text from last night.
She didn’t answer my question.
“We need to talk,I am coming over in an hour.” she hung up.
She obviously read the text.Shit was about to get real.
Putting a full stop to that sentence makes me feel like I have accomplished something today.I like this version better than what I had written before.It has what I feel,what I wish and a back story.When a writer wants to write something there’s a possession behind it that pushes the action.No matter how you try to avoid it ,it is stuck in your mind everyday you wake up.With time writing it becomes a need.That need is off me now.I feel like a load has been lifted off my shoulders.
What if I just told Meredith how I felt? Maybe I’ll have something real to write about.
If only I could create my world with my writing;Meredith could me mine but that’s the thing about real life,it’s real life.Cinderella doesn’t become a princess,sleeping beauty is never woken by a kiss,snow white doesn’t get to live with seven male dwarfs without getting raped and Mer will never love me like I love her.C’est la vie.
“It’s 3;00am,” I said looking at my phone.
Fuck! It’s 3;00am!
Damn it! I had gotten carried away and forgotten I have an early morning worse yet, I only have three hours to sleep.I save my work naming it Meredith then I copy it in the folder with my other writings so I will remember to edit it.Meredith won’t be coming to my house today so she won’t see it anyway.I will take it off when I come back from work.
One of the perks of being a teacher is to see your students blossom to brilliant human beings.The downside of it is the frigging papers you have to mark.I hate that part. The sun is scorching,I’m sweating profusely despite the deodorant I used reading forty eight hours antiperspirant.Joke’s on me huh? I am waiting for the clock to hit 4:00 pm so that I can get out of here.I feel exhausted for the lack of enough sleep I had last night.
Damn you Mer! for filling my heart with feeling and my head with thoughts.
My next class is in an hour so am sitting in the staffroom bonding with the other teachers.I don’t talk much I listen to what everybody is saying.It’s a good way of knowing about people and what they are up to so you will know how to destroy them later if you have to,just kidding I am grumpy and exhausted. Mr. Ed is sitting on his desk busy on his laptop.Phil pulls a chair to sit next to him.He’s new and he tries too hard to be one of us.He is the saved kind that throws bible verses on your face and claims to be holier than thou but lately he’s trying to be normal and talking about normal things.I guess he realized nobody listens to him anyway.
“Ed did you see the last episode of Game of Thrones?”
“I am not a movie guy, more of a football and beer guy.’ Ed says barely lifting his head of the computer.
“Preach!” Lee says from his desk.
“Well you should see it sometime,” Phil goes on.
“The last episode was so dynamic.There was this quote that Bran’s father said that touched me.” Phil said excitedly.
“Aha,” Ed said still on his computer not paying attention.
Regardless,Phil goes on.
“So before going to war Bran asks his father if a man can still be brave if he’s afraid.His father tells him and I quote that that’s the only time a man can be brave,so touching right?”
Ed finally lifts his head to look at him.
“So was that Jesus or Matthew?”
I giggle a little scrolling down my computer.My phone rings it’s Mer.
“I’m not home until four,”
“You are already in… I thought you had work till seven and you were coming over tomorrow!”
“Oh okay,try to fix yourself something.I have some frozens in the fridge.”
“Nothing to read today,zero,nada!” I said giggling nervously hoping she won’t open at the folder.
“I saved it using your name because it was the first thing that came to my mind.” I said trying to sound convincing.It was too late she had already opened the folder.
“Don’t open..don’t..” she hung up
“Don’t read,it’s private,” I finished the sentence to myself.
I need to get there before she reads it all!
I ask Phil to take my class and cover for me.He agrees after a long negotiation. I jump into the first bus I see.Of all the days,this was the day traffic chose to be slower than it has ever been.I think of running home but my heels will obviously not allow me.I barge in my house throwing my handbag on the couch and head straight to my room.Mer is sitting in front of my computer tears all over her face.
“I didn’t know you were coming,are you okay?’
She gives me this traumatized confused look. I walk to the computer to see what she’s looking at hoping against all odds it’s not my story of how I feel about her.
“Mer,It’s just a story,it’s fiction.”
“Except it has my name on it,so all along it has all been a lie.You have just been perving all over me? You pretend to be my friend but you just want to get in my pants?”
”What!, it’s not like that I…”
She rises and walks towards me.I jerk behind until my back is against the wall.She has this deadly look in her eyes like she’s going to hurt me.I squirm at the penetrating gaze.She wipes off her tears and comes close to me such that our bodies are pressed against each other.
“Mer,I am sorry, ” I whisper.
She leans in and kisses me.It’s gentle but captivating.I am too nervous but I just go with it.She crudles my face and deepens the kiss.Suddenly the world stops and there is just the two of us.I am not sure if I am dreaming or writing or this is really happening.I feel like everything in my body has been sired to this moment right here.Her breathing becomes ragged and the kiss aggressive.Our lips pull apart and she turns me around to face the wall then presses her body on mine and begins to kiss the back my neck with her hands running all over my thighs.She starts crying.
“Mer! stop!” I say concerned
She becomes more aggressive that it feels like am being attacked.
“Stop it Mer you are hurting me!”
“Isn’t this what you wanted?!”
“Please let me go..”
I push her and she lets go.She takes a long look at me disgusted,her eyes full of tears.She grabs her purse then leaves.
“Mer,I am sorry!’ I call after her but I don’t move..
She slams the door making my heart skip a beat.
-pjoto credit: bastillebastille