An Open letter to Vera Sidika

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Until recently, I had never seen Vera Sidika’s photos because I don’t read Ghafla, Tuko, Mpasho or follow any celebrities associated with her. I keep my reading circle small as it is only then that I can get the best of what I am reading. Furthermore, the blogosphere, especially the aforementioned blogs, are full of gossip- something that doesn’t tickle my fancy.

Neither do I read Kilimani moms and dads groups on Facebook where all the gossip starts from, that place is wicked. There is always trending gossip on this group and for a young man in his early 20s like me who at least wants to focus his efforts on the right things, such platforms should be out of your mind. It is unfortunate that once you get used to mushene and other malicious and abusive posts on such walls, you get hooked. It is like coke, only that it is not imbibed directly through the mouth.

On this normal day, I was just reading an article, for the first time on tuko. You know how tuko has taken over opera mini, just after the bookmarks? If you drag your screen up after the book marks on opera mini, tuko seems to occupy the rest with what looks like a broth of news and gossip. As a journalist, I somehow understand that the nature of blogging journalism is very deceptive, using highly sensational headings to attract your attention- only to click on it to get fluff that disappoints you.

Any way I stumbled upon a post that suggested or rather made it clear that Otile Brown and Vera Sidika are officially rolling. I thought to myself, this must be interesting. First, I have never heard of Vera Sidika rolling with anyone (my friends talk anyway because that is what bloggers do). Not even once since I first heard of her. Secondly, Otile Brown is one of the finest musicians that I regard highly in our Kenyan industry.

I read through the story and for the first time was able to catch a glimpse of what makes Kenyan women’s tongues wagging with jealousy. The chic is fly, honestly. I decided to officially google her name. I think I had seen some of the photos before but had no idea who I had been looking at. That woman if fine.

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Dear Vera,

I don’t regard myself highly when it comes to this world of celebrities because it is a constant struggle of pomp, glamour and personal life in the full glare of every eye and camera. To my understanding at this point, you might be used to that kind of life. Somehow, I am now convinced it is what your daily menu of success combines of, which is fine as everyone else is trying to find their place in this world.

As of yesterday, of course, after reading extensively about you, I can conclusively say that you have already found your place in the world, as a socialite. Pardon my ignorance- before I read the dictionary what that profession really meant, I always took it to mean a public floozie. At least that is what it publicly means since I first had acquired that meaning from the public.

Now that I am informed, I formally withdraw the meaning and replace it with the correct meaning.

After extensive reading about your life, whether true or gossip (it is hard to believe anything you read on social media nowadays), especially stories about your alleged plastic surgery and ‘removing tint’, I honestly believe that people should cut you some slack.

Whether you did it or not I don’t really care because we must make the facts right first.  To start with, the body is yours and you can do anything with it so long as it fulfills your happiness. It is not like you bleached someone’s body so that they can be yapping around about what you can and cannot do with your body. Whatever you do with it, it shouldn’t be anyone’s business.

Out here, people are very quick to forget about the shit they do, just because they think it is ‘small’ as compared to what others do. We are so quick to put on blinders on our own shortcomings while we are hasty to point out others’. Many women out here are fakes walking along the streets- faces full of layers of makeup, booty enhancers, botox and God knows what.

Also read: In a whacky world, where to start

Personally, I think you look fine. And in my honest opinion, any man can go any extra mile to have you. I can imagine myself spanking that nice ass and drooling over it while I lick those nipples dry. It is the kind of beauty that makes any man go mad. And I am not going to sit here and say I cannot go mad over you.

Everyone is struggling to survive. It is a tough world; otherwise, everyone would be living their dreams. At times, as I have come to accept, the end justifies the means. If there is a way to enjoy life’s finest while you last, shoot at it. You might die the following day.

With this understanding, I know you’re also struggling to live enjoying the best the world can offer at the moment. Isn’t it the dream of anyone? Reaching where you’re, I believe, is exertion of effort coupled with minding your own business. In your eyes, it is achievement and in the eyes of these jealousy women criticizing you, it is sleeping your way to the top. Who cares anyway if after all the talking they have to go back into their shanties and sleep hungry?

It is important to know that when you’re doing well people are going to get rattled. It is the nature of human beings. They want you to stay at the same level where the status quo is the mantra year in year out. Now that you’re somewhere good and doing your thing, you can relax and give haters liberty do their mouthing.

Being a celebrity can be tumultuous. I know better, which I also think you know. Everyone is training their eyes on you waiting for you to falter, and it is easy to dwindle and cave in at this pressure of expectations- sometimes you want to impress your fans you know. At times, many times indeed, things go south as they’ll always do. Since you’re doing well, I suppose you’re handling it well.

I guess all I am saying is that we all have nasty shit we’re dealing with our lives. It is the sole purpose of some people in this world to see that you don’t make it. They will do anything to see you fall onto your knees and crumble. You only have to stand tall and fight back, sometimes by working harder and living your wildest dreams.

Before I finish, I wanna confirm something I read; is it true that you don’t wear knickers? I would really like to confirm that for myself. I think it is mind-blowing especially for people who have knickers for fetish. (Off the record: I wonder if my bong will get turned on if I went to bed with a panty-less woman). I guess that is why your case is mind-blowing.

Also Read: I wanted to be a rapper, Collins Isabirye

As I down my tools, I guess one day I should be able to invite you to one of my events. In the near future that is if I’ll be able to raise the kind of money you usually ask for public appearances (If what I read is true). But if you’re that magnanimous, which I deeply know you’re, you can honour someone like me a surprise. I will take it, trust me.

To long life… cheers!


Your secret (now it is public) admirer,

Mzangila Snr (The supreme hunter in captivity)

Where shall we go, we who wander in this wasteland in search of better selves? 



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