An open letter to married men chasing single ladies

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Dear married men who are chasing single women,

I understand that every day pushes me closer to the day my finger wears a ring. Being aware of this fact places me on the qui vive because married men are competing with bachelors for the single women available. And for this fact, sometimes I shy from crossing this line in the days to come.

Inside of every bachelor is a desire to find a beauteous single woman to date and marry thereafter. So they’ll be bending their backs, breaking necks, working hard, stocking cheddar in their bank accounts, and generally getting graithed for marriage. As y’all will tell, marriage is a project. Once a man hits mid-twenties, he starts pondering of building a career, getting a job, earning some moolah, saving and investing, and all these happen because he wants to have a family that he can support. In other terms, what our Vice President, Mr William Ruto, will call ‘kujipanga.

But it is pitiful to say that married men have deluged the market that bachelors cannot find single women to date.  The married men have these ladies by their sleeves, spoiling them with lucre and things that upcoming bachelors can’t afford. This has actually raised the threshold to find a single woman.

With married men flooding the market, the notion about men has changed. Now women think that men are cheats. This is to say, you have soiled the once prestigious name of a man to that of an unfaithful bastard. Someone who cannot get satisfied by one woman ’cause his desires have to be gratified by multiple women; more wood for the fire.

This has a great impact on the dating scene. Every woman now asks ‘are you are married?’ when you approach them. But why the eff should I make romantic approaches to a woman if I am really married?

I am not asking you to fix your marriages or go back home to your wives. That largely remains a choice you gotta make. My request would be for you to understand the kind of vicious elements you’ve introduced to the market that disadvantage bachelors.

I know I cannot afford to spoil a woman at this moment like you would. But the fact is we all have to start somewhere. You were once where I am, young and struggling to make it, no job, no money, but still ambitious to make it. You had time to make it. That one you can testify, that after a while, you slid up the pyramid. I am also working on that. That one day I will be accomplished, to make my woman happy and content. To raise a family in a decent neighbourhood and give my kids a good life.

Every other bachelor is on his way up the ladder. But along that ladder, he has to accomplish one thing at a time. And when he reaches the dating phase and finds it clogged with married men chasing the same merchandise, then he is going to get stuck. Therefore, it is good for you to give us that space so that we can also move up the ladder while we are young.

We all know you as ‘sponsors’. A term that has become so common like borrowing each other salt. You have penetrated the market forcefully that the single ladies have been left at your mercy. Including these bachelors who pray for your quick demise. You get out of your house, remove your ring so that they don’t know that you are actually hitched. You prevaricate and make them complete fools of themselves eventually. That when they have been with you long enough, and they want to settle down, they discover that you actually have a wife, and sometimes, wives and a family. You waste their time.

In the end, it is us who suffer. Because of your lies, our single ladies mistrust us. They ask funny questions and when we give our honest answers they still think we are lying because that is how you behaved- like us. Like you were a bachelor with genuine ambitions of finding a woman to settle down with.

I don’t want to throw the blame of high rate of HIV prevalence among young ladies on your face. The fact is you have a lion’s share in those stats. With all that money, rich ‘love’, promises and dreams accomplished, which bitch can’t get her legs spread out for you? Oh boy, they will open them from morning to evening ‘cause that’s all they want. Rich man, some good love, oomph and opulence.

Let it be known that you daughters will also grow to be used by the men of that time if you do not change. Your sons will also hit the same road. The cycle always goes on, and karma topping it up, what goes around comes around bitch will want to crush your balls and those of people closest to you.

Again I don’t want to promise that we shall not grow and emulate the same behaviours. I know we are birds of the same feathers, men, but we don’t want to be like dross when we become of your age because of now, you look like it.

The bottom-line is that your presence in the dating scene blocks us from accessing single ladies. Get you fat ass off!

Without ignoring the fact that some single ladies initiate relationships with married men, the fact is that as married men, you should be able to push the NO button without any discussion.

You might love going back home to a young ass dame who has all the time for you than running home to a wife with dirt or flour all over arms because she has been cooking for you, crying children and noisy environment, but at the end, you belong to your home. There comes a day when you cannot run away from that fact.

A day when the only person who can be there for you is your wife. And the only place where you feel peaceful will be your home, with your wife and kids.

Just give the bachelors some space.

Signed with love,

 Senior Bachelor Mzangila Snr.

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About Mzangila

Mentor, media consultant, photographer, editor, poet, writer, and counselor.

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